i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we made out on top of his cat.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
