you have to choose: penises or morals?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
