similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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