Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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