I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
