The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
