I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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