Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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