You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
