I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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