I'm passing your future prison.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
