I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
