I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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