Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
