No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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