I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
