In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All I want is dick and wine.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
