The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
