can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
