apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
