I could have mohawked her pubes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
