a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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