Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't turn off my feet"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
