I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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