Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
