Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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