That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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