if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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