are you still at the devil's house?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
