VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
