She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
