I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
