miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
They have beer where we have blood.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.