capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
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there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
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Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.