You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism