i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
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All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.