Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
