Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
