why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
