im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
