don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
