It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
