Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
