The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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