is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
