Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
