you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize