Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize