Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
