You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
