ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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