the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
