I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
