i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
