If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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