I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
