I'm jealous of your bromance
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
