sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
