I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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