my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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