were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
