Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
