Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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