weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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