You're completely useless in the revolution.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
