I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
