How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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