i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The uberlube is also flammable
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
