On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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