i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
