I hate your face
We named our party play list daddy issues
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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