I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We need a shit load of segways right now
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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