two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
